December 23, 2013 at 3:56 pm #509
My ideal client
When Jane was growing up, she was mostly rewarded for her intelligence. It was the way she got attention, approval and love from her parents.
She was afraid of her mother, who she felt judged her as not pretty enough, and it had a terrible impact on her self-esteem.
She adored her father, who was a very successful businessman, very smart, and for the most part, not around to give Jane the kind of tenderhearted love she craved.
So Jane excelled in school. She became a lawyer. She was admired and respected by most people.
In her spare time, she played Squash (very competitively), she became a gourmet cook and wine connoisseur, loved to entertain in her Back Bay condo when she had the time, went to church fairly regularly, and spent time with her family (including her mentally-disabled sister, and as much time as possible with her brother’s kids, who she loved with all her heart).
However, the damage of her upbringing had been done, and, although she had some of the outer “trappings” of success, she didn’t have the inner confidence to manage her relationships with men effectively.
She’d been so busy “making it” in the way she thought she was supposed to, it wasn’t until she was in her late 30s that she looked up from the grindstone and thought “Holy crap, I’m not married and I don’t have kids!”
She had been spending her time working. And working some more. And earning accolades for her professional work.
In fact, when she took stock of what had happened in her life so far, she saw – painfully – that she had never had a relationship with a man last longer than 2 months. The only way she met men was through work, because she didn’t feel she had the time to meet them any other way.
She did find the time to volunteer at the Museum of Art, as well as being on the Board of a non-profit that helped kids learn to love to read.
She went through a really rough patch; it was a dark time for her. She was re-evaluating everything, and since she was used to being in total control, she was terrified about how little of it she really had.
She was talking with a friend one day over lunch, and decided to be brave and open up to her about what she was looking at, and how upset she was feeling.
Her friend told her about the coach she had been working with, and the results she’d been experiencing, which were all the things that Jane wanted in her own life.
Since her friend was so much like Jane, including the background of tough parents, not enough validation and nurturing, and feeling pressured to exceed in the professional arena (almost at any cost), Jane decided to give this coach a try.
At first, Jane had to go through a process of discovering who she was and what she wanted, which she found both exhilarating and terrifying. She saw how little of herself she really knew, deep down, and how much of her life was about proving herself and “earning love” from others.
She’s a brave woman, and because she had faith in this coach’s work, she ended up doing absolutely everything the coach offered: workshops, coaching, reading her books, joining groups, etc. She was a “yes” to everything.
Her first step was to claim the relationship of her dreams through creating her “Blueprint” of that right man and right relationship. She threw herself into it, and because of that deep work, opened up to parts of herself that had long been buried: her love of God, her deeply sensitive and tender heart (her new nickname, in fact, was “Sweet Jane”), how pretty she really was, how much she wanted to be known and seen in a more intimate way, her vulnerable side, her funny side. All things that she’d had to bury/hide/disown in order to “make it” in the hugely masculine environment she worked in.
While she was going through all this amazing self-discovery, she was also learning about what really works with men: respecting, admiring, trusting and accepting them, having positive attitudes and expectations of them, showing who she was in a confident and open-hearted way, asking powerful for desires and allowing them to provide those things in their own way, and to set them free when things were not working out, among many other things.
She got the help she needed from me to start online dating, which at first was tough for her because she kept getting too attached to outcomes – she got to learn about the dreaded disease of “attachment-itis”.
Jane, being a smart gal, and so incredibly supportable and trusting, followed the coaching, and really hit her stride.
After about a year, she met a man she fell totally, madly, head-over-heels in love with. She was sure this was the man she’d marry.
Her painful lesson was that love is not enough, and to never veer away from the “Blueprint”, no matter how strong the attraction and feelings of love. It turned out that Bill was not ready for a relationship, because he was too wounded from the divorce that he was still going through.
It ended up being an amazing springboard to really leaving behind the part of her that felt unworthy of having it all, and that kept setting up situations where she had to “earn” what she wanted. In fact, she saw where she’d been doing that everywhere – including work – and vowed to change it and fast.
Today, Jane is feeling powerful, happy, she has a new business that she’s totally excited about, she feels like she embodies “Sweet Jane” pretty much everywhere.
Her man is right around the corner, and she knows it!
You must be logged in to reply to this topic.